I think I'm long overdue to release my opinions on some of my favorite films and films I've seen lately.
Okay, okay, so a lot of these are in fact Japanese films so let's get one thing straight.
I love my country and my culture and so I love their films respectively; I ain't no weeaboo, sucka.
So let's start from the top, shall we? I saw I'm a cyborg quite a while ago and I have to say I was utterly dumbfounded by how moving and styled this movie is.
A young factory girl who believes she is a cyborg is placed into a mental clinic in Korea and befriends a young love interest boy who compulsively steals everything.
And I mean everything.
You got a nervous twitch? If he wants it, he'll get it and you'll lose it.
Anyway, she is slowly convinced to become more and more human by this young man and in some instances has small asides where she blows massive gaping holes in the doctors leaving a trail of blood, entrails and doctor's breakfast.
Which is very odd considering she's such a small and cute character. Then again, she is Asian, so her personality was bound to be either cute and innocent and psychotic underneath or a little angst machine.
Which brings me nicely to the second movie of my choice- this is a film I bought for my darling girlfriend, "YoYo Girl Cop". This story is probably the most ridiculous teen angst story every little girl inserts herself into.
The main character is a young girl who's fists are practically classed as weapons of mass destruction by the government and while she's getting them licensed a group of Japanese businessmen and one heavily American woman kidnap her mother and hold her to ransom so that Miss Bruce Lee will help them in saving Tokyo which she was in so it's in her best interests to save it since she'll also be saving herself. Hmmm...
Anyways, the oldies give the small girl a yoyo-badge thing which is also a weapon- for some reason using her fists is forbidden, I guessed that she'd probably feel bad tearing her peers limb from limb when there are perfectly good adults around that refuse to buy her wristbands from Hot Topic.
So she goes around a highschool and turns out there's a person posting on 4chan setting up bombs in places and getting terrible actors to kamakazi into malls and such.
This is so bad, it's good. Seriously, watch it if you love being entertained by the "What the hell? what's going on?" factor.
BATTLE ROYALE Rocked.
Nothing is more satisfying to see than a bunch of whiney teenagers being given weapons ranging from grenades to miniguns to paper fans with the promise that if THEY do not kill eachother then they will ALL die.
All of them die gruesomely and hang themselves and poison and backstab and I guarantee that you'll fantasize about being in that situation. That is if you're a big hairy man, like me.
All in all it's about a bunch of angsty Japansese teens who either are pathetic wimps or have hands which the government want to license as weapons of mass destruction.
The characters are all strangely compelling though, a lot of the main characters are fleshed out and the girls aren't massive raging stereotypes and are in fact realistic girls.
Talk about strange, this IS an action movie afterall.
Though of course they all get killed by the angsty girl who is brooding because her friends were killed, probably by herself.
So right, okay so maybe they're not ALL realistic, there is this one teenage girl who is just like the girl from yoyo girl cop (who I shall hereby call yoyo-cop) except with no mother. So this means she's out to kill everyone and relishes sticking a tazer into her best friend's face.
Fortunately, the main evil guy kicks her ass in a 15 minute action sequence.
OH! Another thing I forgot!
Dying in this film is like turning off a lightbulb, the moment you lose the correct number of blood cells your brain can't function anymore and needs to take a quick eternal nap. So there'll be someone lying on the ground with their love interest propping them up and tearfully wiping her eyes. They'll be totally fine until blood cell No. 133002201 abandons ship and they turn limp from a severe case of death.
Right, Dumpling is a film all about how women want to get in men's pants and are willing to eat little foetuses in order to do it. They'll do everything they can to manipulate and abort healthy children just to fulfill their own mad desire to become the most beautiful wenches in the land.
I found the shock twist in the end where they become pregnant and are in turn eaten from the inside out by their own babies surprising as well as heartwarming.
It's just another gross out film that Asia loves to make to make everyone in the West go "Eeeeewww".
Goldeneye I saw most recently; Pierce Brosnan doing what he does best, sliding his way elegantly into the vaginas of all the women in the world. Frankly he does a much better job than most and is almost convincing in his passion for his love interest of the moment, but then you just know that by the end she'll be dead or lost or that by the next film he'll be having sex with some girl from Sweden called Clarence Largebousums or something.
The girls are always really reliant on Bond to save them from henchmen who die when they get a soft breeze blown at them and are always subject to the evil villain's raping desire.
Another thing, why do villains in bond films always have to be so... Evil?
It wasn't enough that 006 wanted to have "more money than god"; Bond had to remind him that he would just be a petty bank robber, to which he replied "Ah yes and also I plan to kill god in the process, gaining all his money too, ha ha."
Hey this was fun, I'll do it again I think.
